He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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