btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
