i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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