that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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