I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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