I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
