so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
