I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
