What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
