How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
