Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i've created a new STD.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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