WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
