if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
