Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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