she smelled like a LAN party
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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