Soap is not a condiment
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
