she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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