Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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