I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
