Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize