I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
