thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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