Already got asked if we're dating
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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