i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
