I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
