Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Where is the hickey?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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