hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
