that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
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how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
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Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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