Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
