I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
