There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
