not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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