I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
