whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
