I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
