have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
