i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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