My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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