dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
