According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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