walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
