i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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