your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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