why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
