she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Text me some of your sweat
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