I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
