What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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