I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
