We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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