That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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