all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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