God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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