Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking