what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
