I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
