Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.