i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.