just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Be still, my beating vagina.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
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Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.