What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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