Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
