i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
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all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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