you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
