Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...