dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think this conversation is over.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.