Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize