**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
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People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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