i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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