He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
