There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
