he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
