just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
