dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
