So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
