With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
