i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
