just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
