am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
