there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
